Hello Beautiful Woman,
This month we will be focusing on the act of "Forgiveness"
Do you find it hard to forgive someone that has done wrong to you or to someone you love? I feel the main reason it is hard for you to forgive someone else, is because you haven't forgiven yourself for something you did wrong to someone else? Most of us have a set of unconscious rules hovering in the back of our minds about how we expect ourselves to behave. But those rules, many of which we've absorbed in childhood rather than actually thought about, are not always realistic. Here are some suggestions I have ran across that might help with the process of forgiving yourself.
1. Identifying the hurt - Realize that the hurt feelings, guilty thoughts, and tummy-tightening stress you feel whenever you think of your offense is what's actually making you feel bad.
2. Hit the stop button - Replaying what you did over and over in your head isn't going to help you or the person you hurt.
3. Practice Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique - It's a 45-second strategy. Simply close your eyes, draw in a long breath that gently pushes out your belly, then slowly exhale as you relax your belly. Draw a second breath, and exhale. On the third deep breath, create an image of someone you love or of a beautiful place in nature that fills you with awe: a beautiful each, a path through a majestic redwood forest, a mountain stream tumbling over rocks. Breathe deeply as your mind explores the natural beauty around you. Notice how you feel, and allow those feelings to center on the area round you heart.
I did do all three of the suggestions above and found them to be very helpful as well as relaxing. #3 was almost like meditating!
Please share with the group, if you tried any or all of the suggestions above, and if it did help you in forgiving yourself.
Good stuff Terri. I really like number 3 though. The one thing I like about your post in general is "Most of us have a set of unconscious rules hovering in the back of our minds about how we expect ourselves to behave." I'll never go against the "golden rule" of do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but I think we have a misunderstanding of what that looks like. I think we actually want to do unto people and have them do what we want.
ReplyDeleteSo the one that struggle with is #2. However I would like to conquer it. There is a certain thing that I did to someone long long ago, and I can't seem to ever forgive myself for it:
ReplyDeleteFor my 8th grade "graduation" our class had field trip to go to Elitches Gardens. They asked for parents to come to help supervise, so I asked mom. I knew she wouldn't want to get on the rides, but selfishly I still just wanted to come so she could chill with me and my friends. Well, when we got there, me and my friends end up getting on the rides, ultimately ditching her. I ran into some other friends when we got off the ride, and they said they saw mom sitting down somewhere by herself eating lunch. How could I be so selfish. I practically begged her to come, and then ditched her. I replay this scenario in my head over and over again. Though I didn't see her, I can only imagine her sitting there by herself. I just liked having her around, and so did my friends. I just thought she would have enjoyed herself. I haven't forgiven myself for doing that. And again mom, I am truly sorry...It's going to take some work, but I am working on conquering # 2.
Hi ladies! I translate self unforgiving to guilt; and that, I believe I carry a lot of. Did you know that many spiritual health advisors have linked guilt to disease in the body? Think about the word dis-ease. That's deep. I am living proof that guilt can do horrible things to your health and well being. Shana, I believe you hit the nail on the head when you talked about the golden rule of doing to others as you would yourself. It's so interesting because I was thinking about that very principle while driving into work yesterday. I tried to evaluate if I truly know what that meant. At that time, I started to play certain events back in my mind and before you know it, I'm feeling guilty all over again. What I failed to realize was that my inability to forgive myself is preventing me for forgiving others in some way, albeit conscious or subconscious.
ReplyDeleteHi ladies,yes, forgiveness is hard. Very hard. And once you do try to forgive the hardest part I find is forgetting it and moving on from any hurt caused from it. It's like nails in a wooden fence. You can take the nail out but the hole still remains. I think this month's focus will be really beneficial
ReplyDeleteHello ladies, it seems to be that I struggle with number 2 a lot. Often times if there is something that I may have done I do have a tendency to play it over and over in my head and stress about it and then feel horrible about what it was that I did and I have a really hard time forgiving myself for it. And I find that I usually just end up beating myself up about it over and over and over again but it changes nothing. It just makes me feel worse and worse. So I definitely would like to get to the point where I do not beat myself up over about a wrongdoing that I may have done but to think about a solution to keep it from happening again forgive myself and move forward.
ReplyDeleteHello ladies, it seems to be that I struggle with number 2 a lot. Often times if there is something that I may have done I do have a tendency to play it over and over in my head and stress about it and then feel horrible about what it was that I did and I have a really hard time forgiving myself for it. And I find that I usually just end up beating myself up about it over and over and over again but it changes nothing. It just makes me feel worse and worse. So I definitely would like to get to the point where I do not beat myself up over about a wrongdoing that I may have done but to think about a solution to keep it from happening again forgive myself and move forward.
ReplyDelete